Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize