hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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