I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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