Duck Duck Cougar?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
