she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize