her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
