he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
