Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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