Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize