I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He better not be in your backpack
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
