nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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