she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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