Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
