Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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