I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
