I hope mine doesn't look like that
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize