can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
