When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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