a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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