"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
