Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
