at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
