The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
