we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
