life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
