wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
