it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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