I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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