I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
