i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
