Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
