he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have feelings that need drinking.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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