Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
