I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
