im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
