chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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