you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
