this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
please don't ironically join a cult
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