Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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