TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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