but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
