how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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