she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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