roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
