Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
His nipple licking is glorious
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