Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
