I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
