WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
