it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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