Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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