Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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