My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
