His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
