You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
