I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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