so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
