why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
