Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
