so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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