i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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