Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize