Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
