We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
