Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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