The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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