Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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