Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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