Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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