No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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