There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
