I accidentally had phone sex last night
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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