Umm I'm too high to move.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
