Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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