i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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