My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
