I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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