Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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