you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
