btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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