You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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