Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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