i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
