Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
