Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
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