i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
