Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
