Umm I'm too high to move.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize