He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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