Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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