I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
