First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
