Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
