So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
